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Endless Vacation: Deleted Scenes

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“Whenever you feel an impulse to perpetrate a piece of exceptionally fine writing, obey it—whole-heartedly—and delete it before sending your manuscript to press. Murder your darlings.” –Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch, On the Art of Writing, 1916

In the course of bringing a novel to press, a lot of stuff gets left on the cutting room floor, not all of it bad. In the case of Endless Vacation, more was left on the floor than usual in my novels because it went through about 40 drafts as screenplay and novel before I finally shoved it out the door. Entire chapters of flashback story lines and abandoned plots.

Here’s an excerpt that used to be at the beginning of Chapter 5 that I was particularly fond of, but it did slow the pace somewhat in a moment of tension, so I allowed it to be pried from my fist.

The kitchen was reduced to chaos. It was as if a sorcerer’s apprentice had been called away suddenly in the midst of a particularly troublesome spell that had gone awry. Dave scanned the wreckage.

The island was an explosion of vegetables, cheeses, spices, seasonings, rubs, garlic cloves, three kinds of oil, four types of vinegar, wine bottles, condiments and sundry peelings, skins and hulls, in various stages of use and abandonment, interlarded with measuring cups oozing sauces, can openers, corkscrews, used knives, cheese-encrusted graters, discarded wrappings and half-empty boxes of ingredients.

The stove warehoused an array of pans and skillets like a graveyard of burnt-out war machines, some scorched, others glazed with garnishes in hardened grease or coated with a glutinous sauce of dubious provenance, and all overlaid with a dusting of flour like an early snowfall. Spatulas and ladles and tongs and a meat thermometer lay where they had fallen in battle.

The sink overflowed with discarded cans and colanders and whisks and bowls and plates and spoons. The floor appeared to be the work of a Jackson Pollock devotee who had settled on organic matter as his medium.

I especially like the stove paragraph. Oh well, one does what one must. Would you have the nerve to pull the trigger?

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Uncle Rex Gets the News

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Thought some of you might find this deleted scene from the extras for Endless Vacation, a prologue that ended up on the cutting room floor.

When the doctor stopped talking, Rex thought, “This is not the Middle Ages. People don’t die at sixty-four anymore.”

But clearly some did and he was one of them.

He didn’t meet the man’s eyes. Instead, he looked at the doctor’s leather valise leaning against the desk, at the corner where it was worn through to the fabric underneath.

His heart raced as adrenaline coursed through his system, blood pounding in his ears. It was the panic moment, that point at which you know you’ve done something horribly wrong and nauseatingly irreversible. The split-second in the middle of the intersection when you realize you missed the light and the truck bearing down on you can’t stop.

Here he was, frozen in the second before impact, face to face with the inevitable. According to the doctor, he had months, not seconds, to stare at the semi filling his vision. Was that a second chance or a living hell?

His second thought was a prolonged “No” echoing in his skull. He stared at the frayed leather as if he could zoom in to see the fibers and then the molecules and then the atoms and the electrons and neutrons and further in until a single atom was the universe, or the universe was a single atom. Or perhaps they were the same thing. Or maybe they were nothing at all.

His third thought was, “I can fix this. It will be okay.” That didn’t last long. He couldn’t and it wouldn’t.

He pulled his gaze from the valise to the doctor. The man had done this before, probably dozens of times, but he looked like it was his first time. Let him. It was Rex’s first time, too.

He had heard that four people die every second. Somewhere, right now, in four places on the globe, four people were staring down four semis. He wondered how many times a second a person was told he would die. Fewer than four, certainly.

Maybe he was the only one for this second. He wanted to believe that it made him unique, but the truth was he was just one more snowflake on a glacier. And what did a single snowflake matter in the scheme of things, in this universe inside an atom?

He thought of Bridget and the ghost of a smile haunted his face. She had been more than a snowflake. She had made a difference of some kind, however small, however fleeting. And what more could one ask of a life?

Rex held the doctor’s gaze and said, “Thank you.” He ignored the muted confusion on the man’s face.

It was a second chance and he would make the most of it.

Which way do you think the novel should have started. Like it does now with Dave in his office or like this with Rex getting the news? You can leave your thoughts in the comments.

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Review Procrastination

I’ve had a few emails from people missing my book reviews. I have been reading, but writing and releasing Endless Vacation has taken precedence over writing reviews of what I have read. As a concession, here’s a list of the books I’ve read since Nov that I haven’t taken time to review.

  • *** My Story Can Beat Up Your Story: Ten Ways to Toughen Up Your Screenplay from Opening Hook to Knockout Punch, Jeffrey Schechter, 2011
  • *** Bullets and Fire, Joe Lansdale
  • *** The Rivers Run Dry, Sibello Giorella, 2009
  • *** Everything But The Squeal (Simeon Grist #2), Timothy Hallinan, 2010
  • *** Skin Deep (Simeon Grist #3), Timothy Hallinan, 2010
  • *** The Safe Man: A Ghost Story, Michael Connelly, 2005
  • *** Mulholland Drive: Three Stories, Michael Connelly, 2012
  • *** Suicide Run: Three Harry Bosch Stories, Michael Connelly, 2011
  • **** The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard, Arthur Conan Doyle, 1896
  • **** The Adventures of Gerard, Arthur Conan Doyle, 1903

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Happy Wunderfool’s Day!

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It’s April Fool’s day, and we all know what that means. Another book from Wunderfool Press. We deliriously submit to you the latest collection of inanity that is a Whittington novel.

Available in paperback or Kindle version from Amazon.com. Nook version coming in August. Here’s the back cover copy:

BROTHERS. CAN’T LIVE WITH ‘EM. CAN’T SHOOT ‘EM.

On the best of days Special Agent Dave Fletcher wants nothing more than for his long-lost brother Hensley to stay lost for a long time. But it’s not the best of days.

Dave learns that Rex, his uncle and mentor, died while vacationing in Cancún. Just after drafting a last-minute will leaving his fortune to Masie, a stranger who is first on the scene when Rex dies.

Suspecting foul play, Dave goes to Mexico to make sure the murderer pays. But he can’t decide whether Masie is the most amazing woman he’s ever met or a cold-blooded killer.

When Hensley resurfaces to provide unexpected and unwanted help, he stirs up decades-old resentments and attracts the attention of the killer. Will the brothers kill each other and save the murderer the trouble?

ENDLESS VACATION is the most outrageous novel yet from the twisted pen of Brad Whittington.

Blog

Open Season

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You may have been wondering what happened to me since New Year’s. I’ve been working furiously to get the next novel, Endless Vacation, into your hands. But tonight I was stuck waiting for edits and decided to get a start on the one after that, Open Season. So, here is some rare footage. I don’t often release first draft copy into the wild, but I’d love to get your feedback on what you think of this opening. Would you turn the page?

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when the whole thing went off the rails.

And without bragging, I can tell you that when it comes to things going off the rails, I’m known as the local expert, so when I say that the slate of candidates for derailing the weekend in Bolero is too extensive to narrow down to a clear winner, you may take it as settled. However, as is often done in these cases, we can produce a short list for your consideration.

There is the unfortunate placement of the ladder against the balcony. That’s a big one, not that I would suggest that Chip was negligent in any way, but I’m a big one for facing the facts like a trooper and it does all come back to the ladder.

Then there’s the blackmail attempt. Certainly in the top three, I would say. Well intentioned, perhaps, but ill advised.

And the thing with the snake. I love Jake like a brother, would take a bullet for him or at least shout taunting remarks at his assailants if he were being attacked, but if we are to be honest, as men of honor should in every circumstance, it was not his best moment.

And the fireworks. Well, those actually worked out okay, so we can let them slide.

But I should probably back up and get a running start at this story if you’re to make heads or tails of it.

There you go. Is that enough to make you want more?

Blog

eBook Promotion Experiment

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When I started doing promotions of ebooks, I searched for free/bargain ebook websites and then spent 3 or 4 hours filling out the forms on about 30 sites to get maximum exposure. On some sites I also paid the fee for a guaranteed ad. After a few promotions I got tired of all the work and wondered if some of the more obscure sites were worth the trouble.

Of course there is a handful of sites that are known for performing well at present, such as BookBub, Pixel of Ink, and others. But I wanted to test the effectiveness of some of the smaller sites.

So, I did a 6-week experiment, pricing a book at 99-cents and then promoting it on a different site every 3 to 5 days, all the while tracking the sales daily. Based on the price, my cut was 35-cents per book. I started by sending out a newsletter to the fans who have signed up for it, then posted on Facebook and Twitter, and then the various sites.

There are several limitations to the experiment. First, it doesn’t necessarily measure the strength of each site because a reader could subscribe to more than one site and sees it on one site first and buys, then doesn’t buy when they see it on other sites. Also, some sites might be stronger in some genres and weaker in others. However, despite these drawbacks, and others, I think I can draw a few conclusions. Here’s the chart, followed by a table of the data.

This tells me that my newsletter subscribers give me a better response than any of the sites I paid for advertising, including Book Gorilla/Kindle Nation Daily and Kindle Fire Department, which were the most expensive ads in this experiment. In fact, none of the ads broke even.

The thing that put the experiment into the black is that Ereader News Today picked up the promotion on their own, generating about a third of the total revenue. That was just a lucky break, but which tells me that ENT is reaching readers that the other sites are not if it can list the book after it’s been on sale for a month and still outsell all the other sites.

My takeaway. Focus on my newsletter subscribers and the few solid performing sites and don’t waste hours and dollars on the other sites. The other bonus is that I made $49 on the experiment and moved over 800 books to new readers who might go on to buy other books. But I’m glad it’s over. 😉

Promotion
 Date Revenue
Email 8/5/2013 10.15
8/6/2013 59.85
FB/twitter, Addicted to Ebooks 8/7/2013 13.65
8/8/2013 1.75
ebookLister $15 8/9/2013 1.40
8/10/2013 3.15
8/11/2013 1.75
8/12/2013 2.10
eBookBargainHunter $10 8/13/2013 3.50
8/14/2013 5.95
eReaderCafe $30 8/15/2013 1.40
8/16/2013 10.85
KND, BookGorilla, eReaderPerks $100 8/17/2013 3.85
8/18/2013 24.50
8/19/2013 4.55
eBookDealOfTheDay $5 8/20/2013 4.20
8/21/2013 5.25
8/22/2013 1.75
KFD $75 8/23/2013 2.10
8/24/2013 11.55
8/25/2013 1.75
8/26/2013 0.70
BookGoodies $20 8/27/2013 2.10
8/28/2013 1.75
8/29/2013 0.35
8/30/2013 2.10
8/31/2013 0.35
Email 9/1/2013 –
KindleBookReview $10 9/2/2013 0.70
9/3/2013 0.35
9/4/2013 –
9/5/2013 1.40
9/6/2013 0.35
9/7/2013 1.05
9/8/2013 1.40
ENT (picked up) 9/9/2013 84.35
9/10/2013 19.25
9/11/2013 3.85
Blog

My 24 Hours with a Coral Snake

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Note: This particular anecdote is in response to a Facebook posting about the time Robin Hardy killed a cottonmouth. Robin is the person who deserves the credit, and the blame, for my writing being first published. Welcome to Fred is dedicated to her. I will be eternally in her debt, which is to say I will never repay the favor. 😉

Time: Sunday morning, 1975. Location: Fred, Texas.

I was a freshman in college, home for the weekend. In my first semester at college, unbeknownst to my parents, I had taken up smoking cigarettes. Now in my second semester, I had become adept at sneaking the occasional smoke when home on leave.

When the family loaded up in the car to drive to church, I was intentionally late so as to have the opportunity for a smoke on the quarter-mile walk through the woods from the parsonage to the church.

I finished my morning ablutions, left the house, and fired up a cigarette. About a hundred yards into the walk I encountered a snake on the path. Not a first for me. You can’t live in the Big Thicket for long without running into snakes. I’d caught a hognose a few years earlier at the same spot on the trail, and stepped on a rattlesnake one afternoon while storming through the woods in a pique at having been conscripted to paint the pump house.

I peered at the snake, conjuring up my mnemonic rhymes to determine that this particular specimen had the appropriate color combinations to kill a fellow. It was my first chance to dance with a coral snake in the wild. During the long dark watches of the night in my bedroom I had frequently wondered if I had the nerve to deal with a coral snake bite.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the ways of the coral snake, it’s one thing to pull out your Swiss army knife, cut two Xs in your leg, and suck out rattlesnake venom. It’s another thing to amputate your hand. Unlike the venom from vipers, which travels through the bloodstream, the venom from a coral snake is a neurotoxin. It travels through the nervous system, causing your respiratory system to fail within hours. You can’t suck venom out of your nerves. Outside of antivenin, the only remedy is to cut off the poisoned limb, hopefully before the venom has passed the particular joint you are chopping on.

Yes, quite gruesome, but such is nature, red in tooth and claw. I had a morbid imagination. I went through my requisite Poe, Lovecraft phase, as one does.As an adolescent I also wondered such things as whether I could withstand torture for my faith like Brother Andrew.

So here I was face-to-face with my long-imagined foe. I couldn’t sanction ignoring such a deadly presence on my home turf. I purposed in my heart to capture it, admittedly without a clear long-term strategy. I dashed back to the house, retrieved a five-pound Folgers coffee can, and returned to the path, where the snake patiently awaited my pleasure. I peeled the plastic lid from the can, requisitioned a nearby stick, and balanced the snake on the end of it. After a few attempts I had the coral snake in the can and the lid snapped down tight.

I did all this one-handed while still holding my precious cigarette in the left. I carried the can back to the house, secured it in the pump house, and proceeded to church, savoring the forbidden weed. After the service and after lunch, my chauffeur to college CRJJr, aka CJ Hecker from Welcome to Fred, arrived. [Note: CJ Hecker is one of only two characters in the Fred books based on a specific real person. The identity of the other is left as an exercise to the reader.]

I stowed my bags in back, set the Folgers can on the passenger floorboard between my feet, and buckled in.

CJ asked about the can. I showed him the coral snake. He was not amused.

Despite his displeasure, we arrived at my dorm three hours later without having to amputate any of our limbs to halt the dreaded neurotoxins.

I took the snake-in-a-coffee-can to my dorm room where Fred, my roommate (Yes, I grew up in Fred and had a roommate named Fred. What’s your point?) and suitemates Ken and Pat were similarly unamused. I slept soundly that night. I can’t speak for the other inmates.

The next day I took the can to the science building, showed the specimen to my biology professor, and got his verification that we were indeed looking at a bona fide coral snake. I then told the professor I that the snake occupied space I required for other purposes and that he could take possession for his natural history collection. Like all those before him, he was equally amazed but not amused. I walked out, satisfied in my vague quest to make Fred, Texas safer in my own small way.

I don’t know what the professor did with the coral snake. Perhaps it is on display in the lab even to this day with a small plaque commemorating my service to humanity. Or not.

Maybe in a future installment I’ll tell you the story of how I housed a baby possum in my dorm room for a week. Or not.

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Muffin Man for the Nook


It’s the moment all you Nookers have been waiting for: Muffin Man is now available on the Nook, in addition to Kindle and paperback.

John Lawson, sheriff of the quiet Hill Country town of Bolero, Texas, attempts to quell a feud between the local megachurch and a construction contractor, but it escalates from picketing to vandalism to arson.

The case is derailed by the unwelcome return of John’s free-wheeling bipolar father, who arrives in the same red Mustang he drove away twenty-four years ago when he abandoned the family.

But ultimately it is the muffin that his overzealous deputy bags as evidence that threatens John’s ordered life, possibly beyond repair.

Brad Whittington is not only back, he’s at his best. I haven’t been this excited about a new fictional detective since Martin Walker’s Bruno, Chief of Police. Have no doubt: Muffin Man delivers!
–J. Mark Bertrand, author of Back on Murder and Pattern of Wounds

Whittington has baked up a winner in Muffin Man. With dry wit, poignant humanity, and a setting as rich as Texas earth, Whittington proves his fl air for storytelling once again. A great book.
–Tosca Lee, NY Times bestselling author of Demon: A Memoir, Havah: The Story of Eve, and The Books of Mortals series

After six years of silence, Whittington’s highly anticipated entrance into the general fiction market combines his considerable storytelling talents with influences as diverse as Richard Russo and Michael Connelly. Muffin Man strikes a balance between comedy and drama and takes the trademark Whittington elements of rich setting, engaging characters, and turn of phrase to a new depth.